Razors, Black Roses, And A Never Ending Tomorrow
by mistress-imagine
Summary: Eli has problems at home. So does Clare. When they meet up time after time, will they realize how alike they're lives really are? Love overpowers, right? Wrong. Emotional pain can lead to some defying stunts. Read & Review.
1. Razors

**A/N: I own a Blackberry, not Degrassi.**

**Summary: The way she walked, the way she moved the hair away from her eyes, the way she did everything. I couldn't keep myself away much longer. But, the closer I got, the further she seemed. I had to end it…**

**My third fan fiction and hoping to add more to the count. I am thinking maybe 3-5 chapters. Tell me what you think. Enjoy! = )**

Who am I they ask. Why am I like this. How do I live. I'm Eli Goldsworthy. I am who I am because of my past. My parents are amazing, when they're sober at least. I practically raised myself but I don't care. Greif is filled up my head and drained when I get a release. You could call it my only escape, or my life, but its my secret.

Sometimes I wish I could sit behind her and then I could actually see somewhat of her beautiful self. But instead, I sit in front and can only imagine what she's doing right behind my back. I sat in my seat coloring my nails with a sharpie listening to the teacher go on about Romeo and Juliet. Personally, I loved the storyline.

Days went by, I sat alone watching from a distance.

I silently drove home hoping to find my parents had gone out for the weekend. Dropping my backpack on my bedroom floor, I jumped onto my Facerange account. I added Clare as a friend but I've never had a real conversation with her before other than a few hello's here and there.

I was never considered the shy type, mostly because most people were scared of me just because I wore black. When you get inside, I'd say I'm quite trustworthy. Only one other person has, and it ended in tragedy for me.

"Eli! We're home." I heard my dad yell from downstairs. He sounded sober but I'd learned to not always believe that. "Could you come down and help me with a few things?" Okay, now I knew he was flat out drunk, but if I didn't go down it could have ended worse.

"What?" I stood at the top of the staircase.

"I thought your mother told you to do the dishes. And why are they not done?" he started to walk towards the stairs, stumbling as he went.

"No one asked me to do anything." I said blandly.

"Elijah, don't lie. Now get down here right now."

"No. I'm not doing what I wasn't told to do." I protested, knowing how it might end up.

He had it with me. I went back to my room and just before the door was closed all the way, he had it open again. Total blackness.

When I woke up it was 2am. I could feel the pain in my body, and only hoping nothing was seen. Trying to even sit up was like getting shot in the chest. Intense pain rang through my torso and neck.

Stress.

Anger.

Emotional Pain.

Sadness.

Five minutes later…Red is streaming down my arm, dripping into the sink.

Relief. My secret.

Monday morning in class, Clare and I were assigned English partners. I couldn't wait but she didn't need to know that. I also had my next class with her, Health. I loathed it just like anybody else who had to suffer through it. We had a speaker come to talk to us about violence and self-harm.

Apparently it can kill you, but I already knew that. I try and stop myself all the time but it just stares me in the face. Ever since Clare came along, I've done it so much less, but it makes me feel so much better. No one really knows what's inside the mind of a cutter they say. But they're wrong, I do.

It's hell. Living with a reputation, people thinking you're some kind of murderer. I can't explain why it happens.

"So, can anyone tell me why someone might harm themselves physically?" the speaker asked.

Some redhead raised her hand. "They have no other way of talking."

"Okay, but what do you mean by talking?"

"Like they don't need words. The knife, or whatever they use to cut, is their way of letting off steam. Even if it could cost them their life."

I winced when I thought of death. The speaker must have noticed because he called on me to give my opinion.

"They feel emotional pain constantly over grief or death. They want to get rid of something." For me, this was partially true.

Before anything else could be said the bell rang. I'd have to say that was the worse class ever. As I was walking out the door, I ran into a girl slightly shorter than me with short, curly hair. I caught her arm before she fell over.

"Sorry, I didn't see you." I helped her up and bent down to grab the rest of her stuff she dropped.

"It's fine. Oh, by the way I like your point of view on the self-harm topic. It really makes sense." She regained balance.

"Thanks, hey when do you want to work on our English assignment?" I had to take a chance.

"Um…anytime is fine with me. How about The Dot tomorrow after school?"

"Sure, I'll drive." I walked out to my car to go home. Tomorrow should be good.

**Hehe…I loved how that turned out, I just hope I can keep updating ASAP. Give me your ideas and reviews. What should I change? How could it be better? Keep it going slow or speed it up? I think I hear that little button calling your name…go ahead and press it!**

**And I have changed my pen name to Life-Love-Death just so ya know.**

**~Love.**


	2. Graves

**A/N: Ello! Chapter two. I do not own Degrassi. Ideas? They make my chapters longer. Ramble, ramble, ramble. Enjoy! = )**

"So how long have you lived here?" Clare and I had been working here at the Dot for about 15 minutes now and it was getting way to awkward with all the silence at first.

"Since I was about 12. I went to an all-girls school before I came here. So much better." I chuckled slightly.

"Why? More hot guys to look at?"

"…No. I just wanted to be…"

"Be what?"

"Well, my parents say that I should interact with the opposite sex more often even though I have no idea why they would even say that."

"Oh, so they'd be okay with me?" I was getting under her skin.

"Maybe…I'm not sure they'll like some dark, emo guy hanging around." She said in a playful tone.

"Ouch. Hurtful." I fake pouted.

"I can make it hurt." She said with a grin on her face as she lifted her hand to almost, punch me in the face. I started to put my hand in front of me because it really looked like she was going to hit me. "Gotcha." She smiled at me.

"Tease…" I mumbled low enough so she wouldn't hear me.

Silence.

She took my paper in front of me and scanned over it. I saw the corner of her lips start to curl up. Sometimes it's the little things that drive me crazy.

"Aw, Eli. That is so sweet." She had the cutest look on her face when her head turned from the paper to me.

I smiled slightly. "Thanks." If I had to say my writing has changed because of her. Stupid love. Wait, did I really just say _love?_

I started to roll up my sleeve but realized that I probably shouldn't. Too late. Clare saw and wanted to know what it was from.

"Oh my god, what happened to your arm?" She took it in her own.

"Th-That. Well, when I play with my dog, sometimes he gets a little rough. Like yesterday night." I mentally slapped myself for not coming up with something better. I don't even have a freaking dog!

"Oh. I see." She didn't look very convinced but I let it slide. I'm never letting that happen again. "I should be getting home now. See you tomorrow." She quickly gathered her things and practically ran out the door.

I slumped in my chair, thinking if she has anybody to tell. The only person I could think of was her friend, Alli. She wouldn't do that would she? No. I think not. It was all going good until I let my guard down. That's what happens with Clare I guess. At the worst, I have to gain back her trust.

o-o

More. More. More. Its almost never enough. New ways, old ways, it all works the same no matter how its done. Pain. It's the only way.

I sat in my room alone. For about the tenth time, I glanced over at my protractor. I was supposed to be doing algebra homework, but my mind kept wandering towards Clare.

Just as I rolled up my sleeve, my mom had to walk in on me.

"Oh my god, Eli! What have you done to yourself?" She practically ripped my arm off trying to get a better look.

"Mom, let go of my arm." I tried to get away but she kept pulling me back.

"Eli, answer me. Why on earth would you do this to yourself? Is it because of Julia? Clare? Answer me." It wasn't any of those.

"Its because of you two!" I yelled at her and she let go. I ran out the front door and into Morty. I bet that shut her up.

I just drove to anywhere I could think of and eventually found a cemetery. My first love. Julia Locklear. I had never actually visited her grave and was determined to find it. A few oak trees came into view and I saw a female sitting in front of a grave talking. I inched closer to see if I knew her. She was clueless to know I was even there. The voice was quite familiar, along with the hair, figure.

I took a chance. "Clare?" I asked, not sure whether I was right or not. But slowly she turned her head to face me.

"Eli, what are you doing here?" She asked. Her eyes looked like she had been crying.

"More like what are you doing here crying in front of a grave?" I took a seat next to her.

She was silent and stared at the grave for a moment. "I guess I just needed to be alone after seeing what was on your arm. Are you really sure its just from your dog?" she asked me.

I couldn't lie anymore. "No, I don't even own a dog. I do it because of my parents. My dad hurts me sometimes, it takes away emotional pain. I don't want to but …"

"You don't have to explain anymore. I get it. My sister cut herself one time and it was pretty bad but we got over it. My cousin cut himself too. It cost him his life."

His life was taken because he cut. I'm a cutter and even if I stop, its always me, always a cutter. I rolled up my sleeves, revealing all the scars and memories.

"Eli?'

"Hm?"

"I don't want you to die."

I took a deep breath. "Me either." I gave her a quick hug and I don't know why.

"So you never answered my question. Why are you here?" She said, pointing at me.

"It's not nice to point Clare. But I came here because I was looking for my ex-girlfriend's grave. I've never really seen it."

"Oh, well I can help you look for it if you want."

"Sure." I stood up and offered my hand to help her up.

We walked and talked, actually having some fun now. She told me she hated my sarcasm but she laughs every time. This place was so much bigger than I thought. It was almost six and I thought she might need to be home soon. Around school I had heard people call her 'Saint Clare'. I realized why after I saw her purity ring. She's taken a vow of abstinence.

About ten minutes later I found what I was looking for. Julia's grave. I stopped in front of it and knelt down.

"Eli, have you-" She turned around and stopped her question when she saw me beside a gravestone. "Never mind…" I could see out of the corner of my eye that she stood watching me, waiting for me to react. I could barely say anything.

"I'm sorry, Julia, for that hateful night. I should have kept you with me for three more minutes and you'd still be here. With me. You're in my heart, never forget that." I whispered low enough so Clare couldn't hear from the distance she was at.

Five minutes later, Clare walked over to me. "Ready to leave?"

"…Yeah." I tapped the top of the gravestone just for one last touch.

We walked back together side by side until out of nowhere my legs stopped moving. I turned to Clare with lust filling my heart. I took her sides and pulled her close. She seemed confused but didn't resist. I leaned down and kissed her right there in the cemetery. And for the first time in a long time, I felt no pain at all.

**Fail? Success? Tell me! Hoping the next one to be quite romantic and the rating may change in about two chapters maybe? Still figuring stuff out. Anyways, what'd you guys think? Leave me some reviews. I'm always open to different opinions and ideas no matter what. = )**

**~Love**


	3. Candles

**A/N: I own to many pairs of shoes to count, not Degrassi. Ha. Chapter 3. Hope you guys like it. Review and tell me what you think. Enjoy! = )**

By the time I let Clare go, it was pouring rain and yet neither of us cared. I pulled away, still holding her. I guess it just felt right to kiss Clare, even though I didn't know much about her. No words could explain how it felt.

"We should probably go now, I can drive you home." I said as I looked up at the rain that drenched us.

"Thanks, I don't think I'm walking home in this."

"You walked here? Long way isn't it?"

"I guess. But I just like to take long walks, it clears my head."

"I see."

We walked back to Morty and climbed in the back to dry off some. Silence filled the areas except for the rain pounding on top of my car. I was still sort of in shock and couldn't really say anything. All I could think is does she like me too? Is there ever going to be anything between us. Is she scared of me? I couldn't get it out of my head so I asked.

"Clare, are you afraid of me?" Her expression was blank while I held my breath waiting for a response.

"Why? You're just like everybody else aren't you? Except you wear mostly black."

Did she really just say that? Well, I usually don't care what people think of me, but with her it was different.

I'm not like everybody else. "Just because I wear black doesn't mean I'm different from everybody else. I really am." It was true in my eyes because it seemed to me that everybody in Degrassi had nothing wrong with their family. If they did, they didn't show it. I did.

"I just don't see it in you. All I can see is you though. If that even makes sense." She blushed and played with the hem of her shirt.

I remember telling her that my dad hurt me. Maybe it was common here? "Clare, my parents are the best when they aren't drunk which is pretty much all the time. They're the reason I do what I do. It was hell after my ex-girlfriend died. She was the best thing that happened to me before I met you."

She blushed again. "I can never really know what that's like, but I'm sorry about your girlfriend. I'm not perfect though either." Before she could say anymore her phone started to ring. She took it out of her pocket and answered it.

"Yes, mom I'm fine I just needed more time alone." She looked annoyed and I guessed it was her mother.

"Okay, I'll be home in time for dinner, bye." She closed her phone.

"I guess you have to go home now, huh?" I asked, knowing what the answer would be.

"Yeah, but I don't want to. I'll probably just take my food and eat in my room."

"I'd rather not go home either but I know I have to for my own good. Come on." We got out of the back and jumped in front. I would have started a conversation but I didn't want to upset Clare.

Fifteen minutes later we arrived at her house and I wondered how she would explain the ride she got home from someone driving a hearse. Not my problem though. I'm just happy she didn't judge me on how I live with my parents. Most people do when I get to tell them. Are hers the same way? Is that why she needed time alone? I plan on finding out.

o-o

I had skipped school the past two days because I didn't feel like being seen with a bruise on the side of my face. Usually I can explain something like that but not when it's the size of a freaking apple. I sat at the park or walked around thinking of anything that came to my mind.

I didn't want to tell my parents about Clare because they'd get all giddy and want me to invite her over for dinner or something. I just want time to really get closer to her. She makes me feel better. A lot better than I've been before.

Three-thirty. Clare should be home now. Do I want to stop by and ask her about my homework, or ask her out? I decided both. Just not where to take her.

Ten minutes later I found myself knocking on Clare's front door. She answered it herself so I assumed her parents weren't home.

"Eli? What are you doing here?" She looked confused.

"What, no 'hey Eli, or hi'?" I smirked at her which I know gets under her skin.

"Hey, Eli. What are you doing here." She smiled back at me as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I came to ask about my English homework." I stepped inside and shut the door.

"Not much really its just writing a story about a favorite childhood memory. Ms. Dawes was going to assign us video projects but her plans got messed up so that's it basically. Anything else."

"Yea, would you like to accompany me on a date tonight. Say 6:30?" She looked shocked. I kept a straight face.

"Wow, um… yeah, I'd love to." I could see a smile creeping onto her face.

"Be ready at 6." She started walking upstairs and turned around one last time.

"Oh, I will be." She sounded so sexy there. It rang in my head for about five more minutes before I had to let it go.

It was now 4:30 and I had to get everything set up. A restaurant would have been nice but I wanted to be a bit more alone with her, in a totally non-rapist way. So, I set up a table and a few candles in my garage. It was empty at the time so I decided to make use of it. After the candles were lit, I went back inside to change.

I stripped down to my boxers and put on some black jeans, white v-neck t-shirt, a dark grey blazer, and black combat boots. Way less black than what I usually wear but it's a special occasion. By the time I was finished, it was going on 5:30 so I passed the time by watching TV. Nothing good was on, but I've suffered through worse.

My phone vibrated. It was a text message from Clare.

Hey, passing time I'm guessing? Me too. I'm ready if you are. ; )

Clare.

She seemed eager.

Okay, I'll be there in ten.

Eli.

I grabbed my car keys and headed out. I arrived at Clare's and was going to go get her but she came out before I could. My eyes widened when I saw what she was wearing, a light blue skirt with a shimmer at the waistband, and came to right above her knee. Then a white v-neck tank that showed an approving amount of skin for me, with a black shrug over the top, and finally, black flats.

I couldn't stop staring until she waved a hand in front of my face. "Uh, Eli? You can come back down to earth now." She laughed.

"Sorry." I said simply. I started down the road to my house.

"Its fine, are your parents home?"

"Nope, and probably won't be till early tomorrow."

I parked in my driveway and got out to open up Clare's door. I led her into my garage and she gasped in amazement.

"Eli, this is wonderful. I can't believe you did all of this." I offered her a seat and went to get our food.

I came back with a tray and set it one the table where Clare was waiting patiently.

"Steak okay?" I asked.

"Mhm."

We ate in silence for a while. "Truth or-" I was cut off by the sound of the front door opening and my parents voices ringing throughout the property. Clare and I both turned our heads towards the door when it slammed against the wall.

"Well, Eli, who is this little girl? I thought you weren't ready for another girlfriend after Julia."

"I-I." I stuttered.

"No answer? Well then get her out of here!" My dad yelled.

I didn't flinch, until he grabbed the collar of my shirt. Blackness.

**Last Note: Poor Eli, parents are quite the mess to live with. What happens to Clare? Who knows? Me! Hehe. How will their relationship go from here? Reviewers make me happy. Be one of them!**

L**ove**


	4. Death

**A/N: I own, well, a lot of stuff. Not Degrassi, how sad. I know right? Okay, I love reading reviews and I'd like to see more or I might not update as fast. I'm going to try and keep it under 4 days. Yes, school gets in the way especially when I get a week where we just get too much homework. If I don't have my next chapters up in 5 days, well, something might be wrong. = (**

**I had a comment on making the relationship move slower, and I agree. If I were you, I would read this chapter very carefully otherwise you may get **_**slightly**_** confused. I'm glad you like my writing and currently working on another piece. One-shot Eli/Clare (obviously) It's called "Late Night Tease" look out for it in the next few days! Warning, It's rated M. **

**Mkay, enough of my rambling. Here's chapter 4. Enjoy! = )**

All I could hear were voices around me, mostly my mother's and another unknown one.

"He'll be fine, he just needs rest and he'll be out by four this afternoon." The voice said. "It was only a concussion."

Concussion? That explains a lot. Especially why my head hurts like hell. Wait, what is beeping? Oh, I'm in the hospital now. Gotta remember to thank my dad for that one. And suddenly, I'm feeling really tired.

o-o

"Eli, she's here!" My mom yelled.

I was so happy to finally see her since she got back from vacation. Three weeks at her grandparents was like torture here for me. I went downstairs to greet her.

"Hey, miss me?" She said pulling me into a hug. I missed almost everything about her.

"Yeah, I'm just happy you're back. Ready to go?"

"Sure, where are we going?" She asked, as we walked out the door and into Morty.

"I wish I could tell you. But you'll have to wait and see." I smirked at her.

After 30 minutes of driving she couldn't take it anymore. "Eli, can you please tell me where we're going now?"

"Nope." Short and simple. Just like that.

"Fine, but are we almost there?"

"Yeah, just right around that corner up there."

I was taking her to a lake that I had loved when I was younger, and I hoped she loved it too.

"Oh. My. Gosh. This place is amazing. I love how the sun sets perfectly over the lake. Kodak moment?"

Usually I hate getting pictures taken but she was my girlfriend so I couldn't say no. "Yeah, sure. Just this one right?"

"Of course! Now get over here." I obeyed and stood behind her shoulder. "Eli, I-I…"

"You what?" She almost never stuttered around me.

"I-Iloveyou." She mumbled.

"You…love me?" I was in shock.

"I'm so sorry! Don't hate me please." She tried to hide her face.

"Don't say you're sorry, and I don't hate you. I love you, too." I brought her into a hug.

"Thank you, for not pushing me away. I really love you for that, too." She rested her head on my chest and we just stood there.

o-o

I heard more voices. I recognized one as Adam. Another one as my mom. And two more that I was unfamiliar with. Maybe more nurses? Probably. My head feels better but now I'm just starving. I tried to sit up but failed miserably. I half-opened my eyes to see what was going on.

"Eli, Eli, Eli. Why do you always get hurt? I guess you're just a daredevil. But I really wish you would be more careful sometimes. " My mom didn't know I was awake. She doesn't know that my own father-her husband- always beats me half to death.

I wanted so badly to be out of this place, and food. Everyone left so now I only had myself for company. I wonder what happened to Clare, too. I haven't seen her here. Or does she even know where I am?

I looked at the clock. It was only two and I was supposed to be here for another two hours.

"What's done is done! You can't take it back." I yelled.

"It's not my fault. Please, don't do this." She was almost in tears.

"But you went along with it. That's good enough to know that you don't really love me then."

"I do love you…" She whispered.

"No, you wouldn't hurt me like that if you did." I just wanted her to be gone. To leave me and go break someone else's heart.

"Fine, don't believe me, but you'll regret it. Just know that you made me do it, and you were my first love." And with that said, she left.

Regret what? And what did I make her do? She was confusing me, but I just shrugged it off. I've got better stuff to do than be mad at someone who lies to me.

I drove home and got a picture message. The number was unknown so I opened it out of curiosity when usually I'd ignore something from some random number.

_Eli:_

_You have to know that I lied because I didn't want to hurt you. I never expected you to find out. I honestly do love you, but I had to go out of my way to help a friend. Can you understand that? You were the first one that I ever opened up to completely. And I trusted you and you trusted me. You know all my secrets and you stayed true to me, but I know that I shouldn't have lied, but at the same time I believe that I had to. I already told you once, you were my first love and always will be. But by the time you're done reading this, you'll also be the last. I'm sorry…_

_Xox_

After I'm finished reading…I'll be the last… I repeated it over and over in my head. I knew who it was from, and finally came to a conclusion.

She was dead.

**Last Note: I loved writing this one…call me crazy…but I just did. Sorry its shorter, but I felt I had to end it there otherwise it wouldn't be as much fun. Did you read carefully? If you did, you shouldn't be confused. If you didn't read carefully, well…you may want to pay closer attention to detail so you don't get confused. Did that confuse anybody? Hahaha. **

**What do you think happened, and who's dead? Tell me what you guys think in your reviews. They make me smile and I know you care. = )**

**~Love**


	5. Author's Note

_**Author's Note:**_

_Okay, so just a heads up, I will not be able to update because I will be busy all this weekend with being at my friend's house and if you get lucky, I'll update Monday or Tuesday night. Sorry, It's just a lot to handle. I will not be home Friday or Saturday, and it's my birthday Sunday. I will try to write as much as I can so I can update earlier but I am committed to finishing this story so don't worry about that._

_If any of you have questions about a chapter - I know some are probably really confused on chapter four - I don't blame you, it is confusing, or story in general-message me. If you can guess the meaning right of chapter four, message me and I'll tell you. Also, if there's any ideas floating around in those awesome brains of yours, let me know! I will most likely add them into my story somehow if I like it. _

_I'm glad you like it and I hope to see more and more reviews. You know you like pressing that little review button. Keep reading, writing, reviewing, oh and one more thing…stay alive. = ) Again, sorry about my next update going to be later than usual._

_~Life-Love-Death 3_


	6. Reality

**A/N: This chapter will explain a lot of things considering the last one was quite confusing for some people I know. My few days off of writing were pretty fun, and tiring. At my birthday part, we went to bed at 5am and woke up at about 8 so I was way to tired to do anything that day. Well enough about my life, here more of Eli and Clare's. Enjoy!**

"Eli! Eli, wake up!" I finally opened my eyes and shot up off the bed. "Eli, she's dead." Clare was talking to me. Oh, Julia was dead. Was I talking in my sleep or something?

"Oh my god Clare. I'm so happy to see you. I thought you were scared to come and visit me."

"No. Well, at first yes, but then I talked to your mom."

"Yeah, what did she say?" I was a little confused but happy that I could leave.

"Let's get going and I'll tell you." We walked out of the hospital and sat on one of the benches. "Do you know about your dad yet?" Clare looked concerned.

"Considering I haven't talked to many people, no I haven't heard of my dad. What happened? Did he get away again?"

"No, he didn't. Eli, he got arrested. And he was only in prison for six hours before he killed himself. I'm sorry." She bowed her head, trying to hide her face.

"So, my abusive father was put in jail and he committed suicide? Please, don't be sorry for that. In a way, I'm actually happy he's dead now. I can finally have a normal day without getting yelled at." I couldn't believe the look on Clare's face and I was guessing she couldn't believe what I had just said about being happy my father was finally dead. But it was true. He couldn't hurt me anymore and he never can.

"How can you sound so happy? Your father is dead, Eli. You might miss him someday." She practically yelled at me and got up to leave me alone here.

"Clare, wait." Too late, she was already gone. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. I just hope she'll come around soon and understand what I've gone through.

"Honey, are you ready to go home?" I turned to see my mom standing there. Her eyes were rimmed red, like she had just got done crying.

"Are you okay?" I couldn't stand to see my mom hurt.

"Yeah, I know he hurt you but I still loved him. I tried to get him to stop but he just wouldn't listen to me. I felt so scared yesterday night. I thought he was going to kill you."

"But he didn't. So, why are you crying? The man who made my life hard, is now gone. Tell me that I'm not the only that's happy about this." I didn't know what was going to happen next.

My mom didn't say anything. She only pulled me into a hug.

**o-o**

I sat alone in my room listening to my mom talk on the phone to all her friends. She was like this almost every night. I talked the first night, and that was enough. She just needs someone to talk to and she's happy.

I was supposed to be going through my dad's stuff to see if I wanted anything. But I already knew what he had and I didn't want any of it. Instead, I just listened to my music. Clare was still giving me the silent treatment. I wondered how long it was going to last before she finally forgave me. She's supposed to tell me what happened with her family.

Boredom overtook me and I got into my hearse and drove to The Dot. Adam was there so I went over and talked to him.

"She just needs time, Eli. Believe me, I know this stuff. Let her come to you." Adam would know.

"But it's been three days, wouldn't she have come by now?" I didn't understand some of this girl stuff they have, but that's why I have Adam to explain it to me.

"Time, my friend. It helps everybody." Adam was one of those people who confuse me at times.

"So, how's your love life?" I couldn't resist.

"Was it really that obvious?" I loved how I could read everybody just by their body language and tone of voice.

"Um, yes it was. So, how is she?" That was not supposed to be taken in the wrong way.

"Dude, personal much?" Of course he takes it the wrong way.

"Not in that way, pervert. I mean like is she nice, does she like you? Do you like her more than just a crush?"

He hesitated for a moment before speaking. "Yeah, I guess I do. Enough of me. Have you been…you know…"

I was guessing he was gesturing towards me cutting. "No, I haven't. ever since I've been around Clare, I haven't even thought about it. She's a good influence."

"I'm a good influence, huh?" I jumped and turned to find Clare standing with her arms crossed. "Guess I should hang around more."

"I, uh, I think I have to get home now." Adam got up and left me and Clare alone. She took the seat in front of me where Adam used to be.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" My tone of voice suddenly got more caring and sensitive.

"Maybe."

"What does maybe mean? It's a yes or no question."

"Have you stopped cutting completely?" She did hear me talking to Adam, right?

"Yes." I think I was done anyway.

"I hope so. I never really told you this, but it always hurt me to know that you would hurt yourself." I never knew she felt that way about it.

"I'm sorry. If you would have said something…" I trailed off.

"Even if I said something when I first found out, would it have made a difference?" She sounded like she was getting mad again.

"No, I don't know. It's not my fault. My dad made me. It got rid of my emotional pain."

"But it pains me to see it or even think about it."

"What about your parents? I thought you were going to tell me. What happened to that?"

She got really silent after I said that. Now I wish I could take that back.

"Clare, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?" She still hasn't said anything. "Please, talk to me."

"Eli, what do you want me to tell you. My parents are getting divorced, I can barely handle it. I put on a fake smile almost everyday. Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time and tell them not to start fighting. I feel so alone. You have no idea how many times I've thought of killing myself." She had tears in her eyes. "I…I just don't know what to do anymore."

I know we wouldn't be called best friends, but we still talked to each other. It felt so natural.

"Clare…" I didn't know what else to say, so I just brought her into a hug and let her cry on my shoulder. I never realized how similar our lives were. I had a feeling we would be getting a lot closer.

**Last Note: Wow, that was the fastest chapter I've ever written. I know its shorter, sorry for that but I did meet my deadline I set for myself. I remembered I have a wrestling meet tomorrow night so I couldn't update then. I got home and started typing this up. In my opinion, it is my worst chapter yet. I think there's going to be two more chapters to this story, just a heads up. Did any of you think it was Clare who died? If you did, you were so wrong. Julia is dead. Hehe. Hmm….anything else to say…thinking, thinking, thinking. **

**Oh, yea, review. They make me happy. = )**

**~Love **


	7. Fear

**A/N: So sorry for the late update, I've just been so happy and not in the mood of Degrassi. Why was I happy? Well, my school wrestling team is going to state! And cheerleaders get to go so we get to miss school for it and I guess we were told to empty out the school. It's going to be so much fun though, I can't wait. We were all in tears of joy. :') **

**Okay, enough of me and my still hyper happiness, here's the next chapter. Leave me some reviews to show you still care about my story. Enjoy! = )**

Three weeks ago I was in the hospital because of my dad. And today I feel so much better, I have the best girlfriend ever, and I've stopped my cutting completely. Clare's been totally open to me since she told me about her parents getting divorced. I've helped her through it just like she helped me. Its brought us closer.

"Eli, are you done writing yet? I still need to revise your work." Clare was getting annoyed with my slow typing. I was typing slow on purpose because I know how much she hates when I do that.

"Now, now Clare. I'm _almost _done."

"Yeah, you said the same thing ten minutes ago. Seriously, hurry up please before I come over there."

I stopped what I was doing and looked up. "You wouldn't." I smirked and looked back at my laptop.

Before I knew it I was attacked to my bedroom floor and Clare was straddling me. "But I did." She smiled and kissed me.

"Can you believe the past few weeks? So much has changed between us." I sat up.

"No, I mean I never thought that I'd be with you when I first met you. I haven't trusted many people."

"Should I take that as I compliment?" I asked, confused.

"Um…if you want I guess." She kissed me again. I started to lay back down and pulled her with me. My hands roamed her back while hers were suddenly tangled in my hair.

I heard my door open and the sound of my mother's voice. "Eli, Clare. Do you want anything to-" She stopped and I'm guessing she went back downstairs because we never stopped our intimacy.

I felt Clare move forward slightly, grinding against my lower region. I held back a moan but couldn't the second time she did it. It wasn't my fault she turned me on whenever we were in this position. She pulled away and smiled.

"You are such a tease. You know that right." I was out of breath.

"Maybe, but I can tell you like it." Clare smiled again in satisfaction.

"Well then, you'll really love this." I smirked before placing my hands on her back and bringing her in closer to me. I kissed her neck and started slowly sucking. I knew she loved it but I stopped altogether and stood up to drag her out of my house and into my car.

"Where are we going?" Clare was confused and I intended to keep it that way.

"You'll see."

o-o

About and hour of driving and Clare's constant questions, we were finally where I had wanted to go. I got out to open up Clare's door and found that she was sleeping. Now I know why she was quiet that last few minutes.

I shook her in and attempt to wake her up. "Clare, wake up. We're here." She didn't move so I placed a kiss on her lips. A few seconds later she was kissing back. I pulled away before it went any further.

"Nice way of waking me up, Elijah." I loved it when she used my full name but I never told her that.

"I know, now get out here." I linked my hand with hers and brought her to the clearing ahead.

"Eli, this is so amazing. I love the view." We were standing in front of a lake that my mother had showed me when I was little.

"I thought you would. This is where I took J-" I cut myself off. I shouldn't have said that because now Clare is going to wonder what I was going to say.

"Took…Julia? So you take me where you took your _dead _ex-girlfriend?"

Damn. That hurt. I couldn't say anything else because I knew it would probably hurt Clare more than she hurt me with the word _dead. _

"Clare, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

"But you would have thought it." True, but it still doesn't matter.

"It's just that I can't forget her."

"Eli, I'm not asking you to forget her, I'm only asking for you to be over her." Her eyes looked like they were about to start pouring out tears any minute.

I tried to walk closer to her but she backed away. "I am over her. You have to believe me when I say that."

"I don't have to. But I don't know if I want to." She started walking away from me. I would have tried to go after her but it wouldn't have done anything.

After she left I paced around the clearing thinking of what to do next. I felt alone, like I was the only person in the world. Clare really had an effect on me and I couldn't help it. We had fun together and gotten closer in the three weeks that we had been dating. I rolled up my sleeves to see the scars I had left on myself from the razor blade hidden in my room. I searched around me and found a rock that had a sharp edge on it.

I walked down to the beach and memories flooded my head. I trailed the rock in the sand leaving a visible mark. Ending all of this we had together was going to be one of the hardest things in my life, but if it made her happier, I would do it.

Pain, blood, screaming, tears and broken love. That's how it would be. Ended forever, my final decision I would make.

**Author's Note: Again, so sorry for the late update. But there it is. Hope you liked it and the FINAL Chapter will be up Saturday at the latest. I've also had a lot of work to do. I make cookies today! Haha that was so random I know.**

**Okay, the last chapter will be in Clare's point of view because, well, you'll see. Anyways, review!**

**~Love**


	8. Forever

**A/N: So this is the last chapter, sad face? No? Yes? This will be in Clare's point of view and be prepared for this chapter. I think it will be emotional. **

**Have any ideas for me of another story I could start writing up? I'd love to have them so I have something to do in my spare time. Well, Enjoy! = )**

I couldn't believe that Eli lied to me all this time. He had me fooled and I believed in almost everything he said to me. Now, I couldn't trust anybody else. My family was the last place I wanted to be with right now, Alli was gone, Adam was probably with Fiona, and that left me.

I left Eli after I figured out he had brought Julia there before me. I hated that I always came second to her. I helped him get through it and put on a fake smile whenever I was told the memories they had together.

About 30 minutes had passed since I left Eli alone back at the clearing. I wondered if he was still there or if he left. I don't know why, but something in my heart told me to go back. I turned on my heels and made my way back.

It was around four in the afternoon and I still hadn't made it back yet. In the distance, I could see his hearse still parked where it has been since we drove here. I stepped up beside the driver's side and looked in the window. No one was in the vehicle. The sun was getting lower in the sky and I wasn't sure of how I would get back but I kept looking around. I didn't know what I was looking for until I got down to the beach.

Eli's body lay in the sand, lifeless. Just to the right of it was his writing in the sand.

_I love you, Clare. I can't love someone who's gone. And neither can you. It was better for both of us, I was only hurting you. And now, it's all over._

I tried to shake him but I knew there was nothing I could do. Eli was dead right in front of me. I only wondered how he killed himself. I moved his arm out, and saw four deep cuts on each arm. They were in the shape of a pointed heart.

There was really nothing I could do, so I just sat along the water's edge letting the water hit me. All of a sudden it was like I was in a depression. I could feel nothing except the pain from the death of someone I really _loved. _I never got a chance to say it. I started to cry softly.

Another hour went by and it started to get dark. I got up and found a sharp rock laying in the sand. Eli's blood was on it. And his body still lay lifeless on the ground. I thought for a moment. _He killed himself because he thought he was hurting me. He just needed to tell me he loved me. I don't know why he didn't, but I wish he did. _I gripped the stone and slashed my arms. I followed what Eli did and cut two hearts in each arm. I screamed in pain as I tried to use my hand that was already cut to cut the other arm.

I fell into the sand and watched my arms as they bled. I would soon be like Eli. He was right, cutting yourself does get rid of the emotional pain. But now, my life would be gone.

"Eli, I love you." The last words I would ever speak.

**o-o**

It was about one day before anybody found Clare and Eli's bodies together. It went in the paper for everybody to see. Two young teenagers in love, and both killed themselves. No one knew the reason why.

People wondered who found the bodies. Police were given an anonymous tip that there was any dead bodies anywhere in the first place. They had said they bled to death. The parents of both teens were devastated when they found out their child was dead.

They loved each other but they never got a chance to say it in person. Heaven or Hell? They're with each other and that's all that matters. They knew each other's secrets, likes, and dislikes.

**o-o**

"Eli, how could you do this to yourself?" The young, dark haired girl stood by Elijah Goldsworthy's grave. "You killed yourself because of a girl. I never killed myself, but I did love you." She sat in front of the grave and mourned.

"_Eli, this is beautiful. I can't believe you brought me here. I thought it was only for your family?" _

"_It is, but you might be apart of it soon." _

"_Soon? We're seventeen. I want to wait. "_

"_I know, me too. But I want us to be together. Like a never ending tomorrow."_

A never ending tomorrow is what it is right now. It's forever.

The girl was able to persuade almost anybody. And that would include faking a death. Although just about anybody could pull that off. All I had to do was convince a few of my friends. I only wanted to make him hurt, like how he made me feel, but I couldn't go back to him after I saw what he went through. And when he got another girlfriend, it made me feel horrible.

I walked to the cemetery alone and found out that Eli and Clare were buried side by side.

_I never really thought that I would fall for you. _

_You caught my eye, you were that kind of guy._

_Every time I look in your eyes,_

_A smile spreads across my face._

_**I saw past you, into a real person. No one ever did. Behind all those comments and trouble, there was actually someone who cares. You don't like to see people when they're hurt-emotionally or physically-so you want to help or put a sympathetic look on your face. Stalker? No. Observant? Yes. I feel like I can trust you, but I can't bring myself to tell you anything. I'm not afraid to, I'm only afraid of what your reaction might be.**_

"Julia, let's go." A voice from behind said.

**A/N: ! I love long vacations. Sorry update was like super late but yea I went on vacation for 12 days. END! Reviews? Tell me what you thought of my story?**

_**~LOVE **_


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